DISASTER!

Apparently the world was in a serious deficit of fear for about 3-4 months so the media has generously lent everybody a hand and now finally we have a new imminent disaster waiting on our doorstep! Get your shovels, canned foods and gas masks ready because it's bunker digging time! Today's guest: bird flu ... no anthrax ... no what was it again ...ah SWINE FLU! Apparently it's a new kind of flu that attacks your immune system(!), imagine that. Other typical characteristics include: infects about 100 times fewer people than the regular yearly flu and kills fewer still. But it's almost indistinguishable from a normal trip to Mexico (fever, trouble breathing, vomiting, diarrhea, fatigue) which makes it especially dangerous.

So don't forget to spread the message of FEAR! and when you see a vomiting teenager with a bottle of alcohol be sure to alarm everyone in a 2 mile radius because this time it just might be SWINE FLU! When you see a pig however, shoot it on the spot.